The past 7 (almost SEVEN!!!) years have been quite a journey. Looking back we can see Gods hand all over this season in our lives. It has been a season of constant change, babies will do that!
But I have purposefully (mostly) kept our thoughts and dreams out of this blog: mostly because so much of this season has been about us taking steps of faith, and God gently redirecting. Not to say we haven't "gotten" anywhere...Every step, every side adventure, has brought so many incredible lessons, gifts, and growth. But that, some times when you are walking by faith: it can look..well, kind of flakey. "Oh we're doing this!"And we do it for quite some time...And then God has closed the door. A new opportunity (just small ways to be faithful), and the door slowly close again.
At times this has been very frustrating. We asked a lot of "why" early in the journey. We did some times feel flakey...some times we asked, "What are we doing wrong that these things won't work out for us?" or "Where is the life long work we can pour into?" It seemed unfair that others could make plans (and at least from our perspective) follow it through, all done: neat and tidy. We wanted a box, some thing tidy we could just run with!
Not to say we have been chasing every whim. But there were some things that we felt deeply about and God said, "That was good, see what you've acquired? You have a new skill. That is done...Here is the next thing..."
Have you ever watched those educational Art shows on PBS? Maybe? We haven't had TV for a couple of years (we have DVDs). But when we did- and I was up at odd times with sick or wakeful babies- I would watch these shows.
It was mainly just a camera on an artists canvas and the artist's dialogue about how to do what they are doing... Oil painting...Water color...FASCINATING!
Before she started you would hear her discuss what they would be doing with the (finished) painting behind her- so I knew what it would look like.
And then she would begin. She would start out as I expected her to, with a brown for a tree trunk. And then all of a sudden (in my view, I never learned to paint) stick on this random yellow- YELLOW? And then a blue...and then this strange divot stroke...Slowly, layer by layer ,some thing beautiful would start to become recognizable.
I love watching those shows, seeing all these (seemingly) random colors mix together, as she deftly smoothed edges, changed brushes, twisted and dabbed and swept the brush in certain patterns. And then the finished product: just what I expected, but we didn't get there at all how I imagined!
I can go into details of all the side adventures of our lives- I could write a book on it! But they are just a small part of this big amazing picture God is painting of our lives. Some times the side stuff has seemed random to us. We have learned that asking questions just distracts us from the bigger purpose: following Jesus.
Recently He has been showing us some big picture stuff. Unfolding some really exciting dreams to us...Some of our old adventures are suddenly making sense...A lot of sense. Like "WHOOOA!"
It is beginning to click. But it is so big, it involves so many aspects of our lives.. It is very exciting, and hopefully- some day we will be able to really share about it.
I could talk about the past adventures...The ministry we started at our old church, and then God told us, "this is great- see what you learned? But I didn't mean for it here." I could tell you about the way God has directed us since then.
That Ryan (yes, only Ryan) has joined a Mennonite fellowship in the heart of the city. That he is working with the church in depth and he and the older two girls are loving on that church family.
I could tell you, that I didn't feel a peace of stepping into ministry there- not that there is any thing wrong there...But I felt deeply that God has asked me to set this season of my life to be a little outside the box. That I stay home. I am taking this season as a time to really dig in, heal and grow. Also just practically speaking, I need this morning rest. I sit at the feet of Jesus and of teachers that I respect via podcasts. That, for now, I find my fellowship with other believers outside of the church setting. That my Sunday mornings are spent in quiet rest with our littlest (who usually naps), listening to teachings, reading and praying and recharging for the week ahead. It may seem weird, it may seem "wrong" to some- I just want to lay the boundary now, that this decision is not up for discussion or judgement- No messages of a negative nature please. It is the perfect thing for this season of my life. :0)
I could share of all these things (Oh look, I just did), but this - like all the rest- is just a short season. We feel deeply that God has some awesome plans for our family...But each little step of faith is just that, a step in the journey.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,This has been an interesting 7 years for us...From preparing to start a life together, to now walking it out. Life is full with 3 kids. I could lay out a list of the things we "do" to serve and bless others. Ryan is still at his job (7 years there now!) working hard and trying to help the company be the best it can be in his department (shipping/receiving/inventory). That I am home with three small children many hours a week, trying to make their babyhood/toddlerhood/childhood the best it can be.
a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak...
We are loving where we are at. And by that I mean, that where ever we go in our day to day, we make it our goal to love like Jesus...And that starts at home.
This is an intense season in the parenting journey, our kids are very small, they need lots of love and attention and just plain "NEED" - while it is fun to see them take new steps in independence each day, they are still pretty much 100% reliant on us for every thing. The days are LONG and it is hard work. We have been very careful to make it our "main" work. We fellowship and minister into the context that our children can be involved too.
Loving our family and our children, building a strong foundation for them, IS our main ministry right now. And we pray, that as long as they are in our home they know that our marriage and family being rooted in Jesus (who IS LOVE) is are our number one priority. Honestly, whatever "outside" ministry we ever have, will be rooted in our family. We dream of being in a place where we can take in more children/teens that have never experienced love..That need a safe place. I mean we have even bigger dreams than that. We would like to save the whole city- see every one rocked with the Love of Jesus.
But we are right here now, setting one foot in front of the other...Praying for direction. We are starting to see the painting come into a recognizable shape. But it's going to be some time yet before all the divots, dabs, globs and strange colors make sense to us.
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